In order to move forward, we need to heal. One must heal or carry the issues which will slow you down. There is a commercial about these people who want to hold on to things that no longer serve them. Although they no longer have a need for it and it no longer serves a purpose for them, they still seem to have a problem letting go. They are weighed down, held back, stuck in ruts and the life examples keep going. This analogy is so true for us as human beings.
I have found in my life that I hold on to stuff that no longer serves me. I know that I am not the only one. But for me, I believe the first step in a process for this or any kind of change is to acknowledge it. It is sometimes hard to see that something you always had or always did is no longer serving the same purpose or any purpose at all. At that point it becomes stuff that you drag from one place to another or is sitting in a corner gathering dust.
I have had to acknowledge a lot of stuff in my life. It is easy to do once you decide to look for it because it is always there. Somehow we can live almost an entire lifetime and not see the brick on the floor that we have been tripping over all of our lives. Or we cannot make the connection with why we are always trying to walk around that thing on the floor that is in the way. Or we see but don’t see the brick on the floor until someone ask why is it there.
Recently, I found myself asking for help to understand why I keep making this one mistake over and over. There was an obvious pattern that I have been stumbling over. I saw a connection I have had in relationships. It is not something I like to dwell upon but it is a brick on the floor that I have stumbled over three times. The other times I just walked around it. Most recently, I decided to stop, pick it up and ask why it is here. The truth is it has always been there. Asking why it was there and allowing myself to hear the answer has brought much healing.
You see this brick has been with me a long time. I created it and I have had it ever since. I put it there because I thought I needed it in my life to be the better person, the good person, the honoring person, trustworthy person and so on. So it was put there originally with good intention. It does not mean it was good for me just because the intention was good.
My brick, made through good intention, caused me much pain and suffering. It caused me to make decisions to sacrifice my happiness, peace of mind, joy and love for myself in order to make others happy, not disappoint them or hurt them in anyway. This brick consisted of not being truthful to me about what I truly wanted, felt or believed in order to make others happy.
Sometimes self-truth is hard to accept. It is easy to see someone else’s truth and also see what they need to do to release, let go, heal and move forward. It is harder when it is your truth. No one really wants to face their shame and admit their errors. David Ault, Pastor at Spiritual Living Center of Atlanta, talked about how men put their shame in a box and will kill to keep it protected and safe. Women shame, on the other hand, is usually out and open and affects many that she’s in relationship with. As a woman, I can relate to this personally. I know everyone has shame. It is easy for me to accept the shame of others, however, and be forgiving and understanding. It is not easy for me to admit that I have shame and have spilled it out over my family. It is not easy to talk about it even after I have said I’m sorry. It is just one more thing that I need to let go.
Finally, I am letting go of this brick that I created with good intention which has caused me to stumble, expose myself and brought me shame. It may have served a purpose initially. But it has not been serving me in a way that is useful. It is time to heal and let it go.
I don’t know who said “to thine own self be true” but it is one of the most powerful statements made. When we are not true to ourselves, we leave so much stuff lying around in our lives that do not serve us. We walk around with open wounds. We deceive ourselves that we are doing good and helping others, when we are ill ourselves and need the help we give to others. We busy ourselves serving others at the sacrifice of our mental, emotional, spiritual and sometimes physical well-being. We do things for them that we would not consider doing for ourselves.
Healing can be as simple as a choice to let go of what we no longer need or want to have in our lives. Or it can be as deep as asking for clearance at the source of the event, thought deed or action. It is still all a process of letting go. As for me, I have decided to stop kicking the brick. I am letting it go.